Climbing the ladder
During our road trip to Colorado this summer the conversation pretty much covered the bases of everything from The Office, to disgusting things that we had only heard about but never tried, and even dating. One thing that Jake brought up was Ladder Theory (the website is way more elaborate than I expected). It’s pretty freaking hilarious though and surprisingly accurate…for the most part. The guy who came up with it must either really hate women or is unemployed with a lot of free time.
The basic concept is that girls have two different social ladders for which they classify guys that they meet. On one ladder they place guys that they are solely interested in being friends with and on the other ladder they place guys who they’re actually interested in. Then it claims that unlike women, guys have only one ladder and they place every girl they ever meet on the same ladder. For example, if a guy meets a girl and finds her uglier than Michael Jackson in a dress, she would be pretty much at the bottom and a girl who is able to turn heads in a gay bar would probably be close to the top. I found the funniest diagrams to be the one to the right, showing how if a guy tries to jump from the friendship ladder to the real ladder he either successfully reaches the real ladder (which is very rare) or he ruins everything and falls into the relationship abyss, from which there is no turning back. Hilarious.
Some of my favorite quotes from the website were:
- “There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to f* her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in f*ing her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note that the following topics of disinterest have been field tested and shown conclusively not to work: Unix, literature, poetry, international politics, and sodomy.”
- “problems can be avoided by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances…”
- “A lot of people have asked about the significant others of friends and if they are special cases of the Ladder. They are not. These are not your friends. These are virtual friends.”
- “A note for guys: if your friends girl offers you a piece you should hit that shit, because he shouldn’t be laying up with no ho. Ideally you should tape it also, because most guys will believe the person they’re f*ing.”
- It also listed a great quote from Dave Chappelle: “A woman’s test is material. A man’s test is a woman…if a man could f* in a cardboard box, he wouldn’t buy a house.”
There’s also an article about Ladder Theory on Wikipedia. I guess you could say it’s kind of a big deal (except the article lacks any real citations).