Love You Forever – World’s creepiest children’s book

I’ve always liked children’s books because although simple, many of them carry great life lessons.  I was talking to my mom last week about books that I loved while I was growing up.  We actually disagreed when it came to what my favorite book was growing up.  In my mom’s memory, my favorite book was What Do Toddlers Do? or Blueberries for Sal.  However, without a doubt, in my memory, my favorite children’s book was always Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.  While we disagreed on what my favorite book was, we agreed on one thing – that Love You Forever by Robert B. Munsch is creepy.  If you recall, it’s a story about a mother’s love for her son.  According to Richard Farr of,

“The mother sings to her sleeping baby: ‘I’ll love you forever / I’ll love you for always / As long as I’m living / My baby you’ll be.’ She still sings the same song when her baby has turned into a fractious 2-year-old, a slovenly 9-year-old, and then a raucous teen. So far so ordinary–but this is one persistent lady. When her son grows up and leaves home, she takes to driving across town with a ladder on the car roof, climbing through her grown son’s window, and rocking the sleeping man in the same way. Then, inevitably, the day comes when she’s too old and sick to hold him, and the roles are at last reversed.”

“So far so ordinary” indeed but it takes a turn for creeper-ville once the mom drives across town, breaks into her adult son’s house through his second floor window, and rocks him to sleep.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but if she drove over to my college apartment, broke through my second story window via a ladder, and tried to crawl into my bed with me, I’d be freaked out!  If you ask me, the main lesson of this book is probably that mothers and children should remain embarrassingly attached to each other and never grow up.  Here are the books that I did love, however, many of which probably have a lot to do with why I turned out the way I did.


Just say no… to clowns

Say No to Clowns Bumper StickerWalking to class yesterday I saw this bumper sticker and it really sums up well my feelings about clowns.  Yes clowns.  They may make sweet things out of balloons, but I find them very strange (or “queer” as my grandma still likes to say and I have to remind her that that vocabulary is now inappropriate).  I also find it strange that parents encourage their kids to be friendly with creepy grown men wearing makeup and concealing their identity.  A lot of kids are told “don’t talk to strangers,” but it instead seems like the message goes something like, “don’t talk to strangers… unless they are wearing makeup and have crazy blue hair.”  Don’t get me wrong, I used to love watching Bozo the clown on WGN before pre-school and honestly, who DIDN’T want to be on the grand prize game (“…a nice crisp clean $100 bill…”).  I also had a clown lamp growing up (that I’m pretty sure is still in my parents’ basement) and a clown bank that held my collection of pennies.  However, once I have a mini-me, I’m pretty sure a love of clowns will not be encouraged.  Have you seen The Dark Knight?  Enough Said.  If you haven’t noticed from the rest of my posts, I’m quite fond of lists. Here is my list of the top 6 creepiest clowns of all time.


Ronald McDonald Scary6.  Bozo the Clown – The tamest of clowns on this list, but dangerous nonetheless.  Bozo, gives children free candy (via audience giveaways), free toys (via his games), and money (via the grand prize game).  Evidently some kids were creeped out by Bozo, however.

ronald-and-i5.  Ronald McDonald– I love McDonald’s breakfast, but would love it even more if if I didn’t have to confront Ronald every time I wanted a bacon egg and cheese biscuit.  He turns happy meals into creepy meals.  Even sketchier is Ronald’s friend the Hamburglar who I was legitimately worried would actually steal my food when I ate at McDonald’s growing up (maybe my brother just told me that would happen).  The Ronald McDonald house is actually a great cause, but I think it would be best if the statues of him were removed from every Ronald McDonald House.

4.  All the clowns in the movie Problem Child – I remember watching Problem Child when I was younger and thinking to myself, “damn, Junior is right.  Clowns are scary!”  As a side note, Michael Richards plays the villain before anyone even knew who Kramer was.

3.  Killer Klowns from Outer Space (circa 1988)– That’s right, Klowns with a K.  Fortunately I didn’t see this when it came out because this would have definitely ruined my second year.  We instead rented it during one of those high school summer nights where you sit around in a basement and look for something awesome to pass the time (this definitely applies).  One perk of the movie is that Dean Wormer from Animal House plays the Police Chief.

2.  Insane Clown Posse – A posse of clowns?  Sounds like a nightmare and listening to their music actually is.

1.  Heath Ledger in Dark Knight – Why so serious?  I’m 22 and this movie disturbed me.  Incredible performance but unfortunately it only intensified my hatred of clowns.