Putting Out the Vibe Random observations from my day-to-day life

April 1, 2009

The worst movie in the history of the world

My roommate recently mentioned that he believed Nicolas Cage to be the worst actor in Hollywood.  I do loathe both National Treasures, Ghost Rider (lowered my IQ), Gone in 60 Seconds (further fueled my hatred of any movie involving a combination of the words “fast” and/or “furious”), and “Knowing” looks worse than listening to an entire Nickelback album (on the plus side though, he’s currently filming The Sorcerers’ Apprentice, which I can only hope stars Mickey Mouse).  However, in my opinion it doesn’t get much worse than Keanu Reeves – The Matrix is only the beginning of his turd mountains.  One must also consider Hardball (“I’m blown away by your ability to show up…” – ?), Speed, and who could forget the debacle that was Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures.  Add Tom Cruise, Forbes magazine’s world’s most powerful celebrity in 2006/avid Alien believer, but disbeliever of the field of psychiatry/recovering dyslexic (via Scientology), and you’ve probably got the worst movie anyone has ever seen in their entire life.  Throw all three of these guys in a museum, sinking ship, or alternate universe that exists only in computer programs, and I would say that you’ve got the formula for the least productive hour and a half of anyone’s life to date.
Worst Movie Ever

March 6, 2009

Jokes on you, America!

Filed under: Nerdiness,Random Observations — Tags: , , — Matthew @ 9:37 pm
Could have really used some color photography back then...

Could have really used some color photography back then...

When we received Lady Liberty from the French in 1886 to represent our “friendship established during the American Revolution,” it was a great international gesture… sort of.  It dawned on me recently, however, that from about 1886-1906 it was a beautiful bronze color until it turned to its (arguably) unattractive shade of green.  So, was France really thinking we’ll give this ticking atrocity to the US and in about 20 years they’ll really feel stupid?  Maybe we should have seen our current poor relations with the french coming.  I’m going to go eat some freedom fries…

November 2, 2008

Even Michael Jordan got cut from his high school team

Filed under: Basketball,Random Observations — Tags: , , , — Matthew @ 6:06 pm

I always hated hearing “you know even Michael Jordan got caught from his high school basketball team,” as if it put into perspective any major disappointment in life.   Making this statement even more irrelevant is that Jordan was cut his sophomore year from Varsity.  However, last week while watching Best Damn Sport Show’s 100 Most Unbelievable Sports Moments, they had another MJ tidbit that really surprised me.  One of their unbelievable moments was Sam Bowie being selected number two overall in the 1984 NBA Draft and then they showed a montage of Jordan highlights.  After checking it out, the beginning of the draft went a little something like this:

1984 NBA Draft

1 Hakeem Olajuwon (C)  Nigeria Houston Rockets Houston
2 Sam Bowie (C)  United States Portland Trail Blazers Kentucky
3 Michael Jordan (SG)  United States Chicago Bulls North Carolina

Also drafted that year were Charles Barkley, Kevin Willis, John Stockton, etc.  I can understand an NBA team misjudging Hakeem Olajuwon’s talent as slightly better then Jordan’s right out of college, this can be difficult.  However, Sam Bowie was never even an all star and in a pick up game I’d much rather have any of the people mentioned above.  Until now, I thought the Bucks drafting Robert “Tractor” Traylor over Dirk Nowitzki (and Paul Pierce) was a huge deal.  According to Sport Illustrated, Sam Bowie was the worst draft selection in the history of the NBA.  Personally, I would have much rather been told “at least you didn’t draft Sam Bowie” when something bad happened growing up, instead of “even Michael Jordan got cut from his High School Basketball team.”

A few Jordan videos that I used to love growing up:

September 21, 2008

McRib is back, but where did it go?

Filed under: Football,Random Observations — Tags: , , , — Matthew @ 12:52 pm

As I wake up very disoriented from a White Trash Party last night, I find myself mulling over the mystery that is the McDonald’s McRib. Every year, around the same time that Brett Favre begins to contemplate retiring, triumphantly returning to training camp, and then retiring again, McDonald’s announces seemingly the most significant press release in fast food history – McRib is back! However, every year this raises two questions in my mind. “Where the hell did it go?” and secondly, “Who gives a shit?” There may be people out there that get excited about a fake meet sandwich once again being available for a limited time, but I don’t know any of them. McDonald’s ad campaign for next football season should be something along the lines of “McRib is back for the 20th football season in a row and it will be available until the public once again realizes in a few weeks that this isn’t even a big deal. At which time the McRib will quietly disappear until next football season.” I bet the original ad campaign for McRib included “McRib is back” before it was even discontinued.

July 31, 2008

Climbing the ladder

Filed under: Hilarity,Random Observations — Tags: , , — Matthew @ 7:52 pm

During our road trip to Colorado this summer the conversation pretty much covered the bases of everything from The Office, to disgusting things that we had only heard about but never tried, and even dating.  One thing that Jake brought up was Ladder Theory (the website is way more elaborate than I expected).  It’s pretty Womens' Ladders, from www.laddertheory.comfreaking hilarious though and surprisingly accurate…for the most part.  The guy who came up with it must either really hate women or is unemployed with a lot of free time.
The basic concept is that girls have two different social ladders for which they classify guys that they meet.  On one ladder they place guys that they are solely interested in being friends with and on the other ladder they place guys who they’re actually interested in.  Then it claims that unlike women, guys have only one ladder and they place every girl they ever meet on the same ladder.  For example, if a guy meets a girl and finds her uglier than Michael Jackson in a dress, she would be pretty much at the bottom and a girl who is able to turn heads in a gay bar would probably be close to the top.  I found the funniest diagrams to be the one to the right, showing how if a guy tries to jump from the friendship ladder to the real ladder he either successfully reaches the real ladder (which is very rare) or he ruins everything and falls into the relationship abyss, from which there is no turning back.  Hilarious.
Some of my favorite quotes from the website were:

  • “There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to f* her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in f*ing her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note that the following topics of disinterest have been field tested and shown conclusively not to work: Unix, literature, poetry, international politics, and sodomy.”
  • “problems can be avoided by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances…”
  • “A lot of people have asked about the significant others of friends and if they are special cases of the Ladder. They are not. These are not your friends. These are virtual friends.”
  • “A note for guys: if your friends girl offers you a piece you should hit that shit, because he shouldn’t be laying up with no ho. Ideally you should tape it also, because most guys will believe the person they’re f*ing.”
  • It also listed a great quote from Dave Chappelle: “A woman’s test is material. A man’s test is a woman…if a man could f* in a cardboard box, he wouldn’t buy a house.”

There’s also an article about Ladder Theory on Wikipedia.  I guess you could say it’s kind of a big deal (except the article lacks any real citations).

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